Mama Kelly
Lady Rose
Once again I have hit that place where my body acceptance has flown out the window and instead I am loathing myself again for the excess weight on my frame. I didn’t feel too badly about myself while up at Womongathering …. until I saw the pictures.
And yes it is shallow and vain to focus on my appearance. But it goes deeper than that. I need to lose about 50 to get back to what I weighed on my wedding day. I would need to lose more like 70 to get back to what I weighed my senior year of high school. I dont even want to lose the weight so much to look better (though yes that’s part of it and it would be a nice side effect) as much as I want to feel better. I want to not be bone tired at the end of every day. I want to be able to take walks without getting out of breath. I want to not feel uncomfortable in my own skin.
Now I will admit that I eat too much of the wrong foods. My life is very stressful, my job is very stressful. My main way of medicating my stress, my anxiety, and yes my depression is by eating. And unfortunately, the lightest fare I can eat is generally the hardest on my digestion. Due to a compromised intestinal tract thanks to adhesions, lack of a gall bladder, and issues with delayed stomach emptying (idiopathic gastoparesis) high fiber, low calorie fare such as leafy greens and raw vegetables can cause much in the way of nausea and abdominal pain. A few handfuls of air-popped popcorn can leave me writhing.
So, as with the 35 lbs I lost (and kept off) about a year ago, its simply going to be a matter of eating less, while trying to switch over to lower calorie choices whenever possible. I need to stop the endless snacking at work and the noshing after the kids go to bed. I have to eat less at meals.
But, willpower is not my strong suit when it comes to yummy food. At this point I’d love to be able to just “jump start” my weight loss a bit, see some movement on the scale, and hope that it would be enough to encourage me to stick to some kind of healthy eating plan. So I admit my curiosity was peaked when I came across a site which promised to “bring (me) EVERYTHING (I) need to know to buy the right weight loss product for (me)” since there are so many weight loss pills out there to choose from. I thought that perhaps I could find a new pill that might work for me and help me to lose the first 15-20 lbs.
Because goodness knows there are alot of pills out there. You see them in magazines, on television, in internet ads, and even hear about them on the radio. They are readily available and it seems sometimes that “everyone” is one one of them or another. But, it can be frustrating and seemingly impossible to compare them side by side and get any kind of sense of truth about the matter.
I found the reviews on the site to be merely brief overviews of the pros and cons of each of the weight loss pills in their database.. I wish they were more indepth and gave me more information about the ingredients themselves. “Everything I need to know” for me would mean a glossary telling me not only what each ingredient it but where it comes from and all the contraindications associated with it. However, I found that the site did share the negatives of many of the drugs they are selling and personally I found that just reading all the “cons” reminded me of all the reasons I do not take diet pills.
- Medications that work by “blocking” calorie absorbtion of either fat or carbohydrates will not help me to have a happier intestinal tract.
- Medications that work by adding large amounts of caffeine or other stimulents are not going to help my anxiety issues and related attacks of rapid heartbeat.
- Medications that work by playing around with hormone levels (i.e. boosting testosterone) may help me put on lean muslce mass but are not going to lead to a more serene mood.
- Medications that cost $60 or more a bottle may help me lose weight, but only because after buying them I will no longer be able to afford food.
But, your mileage may vary. For someone who is going to definately be starting a weight loss regimin with a dietary aid this site will help you rule out the ones which are not right for you and help you find the ones that just might be.
So, for now, my plan is to dust off my shelves of vegetarian cookbooks, nutrition and wellness books, and herbals and figure out a way to gradually make wellness a priority in my life.
For now, my plan is to get better about doing my self-Reiki treatments and see if by lowering my stress levels I can, in turn, reduce my desire to stuff down my feelings with a bowl of ice cream or a bag of chips.
For now, my plan is to try and consider myself worth the extra few minutes it would take to pack a nice mix of food to bring with me to work instead of only eating what I can grab at Wa-Wa or snag from the vending machine.
Here’s to a healthier tomorrow
Mama Kelly
Filed under: * author - mama kelly, Health & Wellness | Tagged: obesity, weight, diet, Dieting, weight loss, depression, anxiety, stress, diet pills, emotional eating
Right with ya, Mama Kelly. I don’t have the medical issues you have, but I have some of my own (diverticulosis, diabetes) that can make it tough for me to choose the right foods for weight loss, too. But the real issue is one of motivation — or the lack thereof. The me in the morning (AM me) is ready to lose weight, but the me in the afternoon and (especially) at night says, “Phooey,” and continues to eat whatever “PM me” wants.
I think your idea of taking food to work with you is a good one. It takes baby steps to change a habit for good, I think. I wish you success, and I hope it rubs off on me, too!
Alumnah
the mental image of the “am you” motivated to diet and the “pm you” saying phooey cracked me up!!! But its true.
It is so hard to find motivation to make dietary changes that stick. May we both find the willpower to do it!
Hello Mama Kelly. I want to comment on some of your lines:
“I want to not be bone tired at the end of every day. I want to be able to take walks without getting out of breath. I want to not feel uncomfortable in my own skin.”
Well, if you reread what you wrote, you’ll notice that you are not stating what you want, but what you don’t want. The problem with this approach is that it doesn’t give you a sense of direction, a sense of where you want to head to, it just states where you want to depart from. Why not rephrase the sentences? “I want to be vibrant and energetic at the end of every day”. “I want to be able to take walks while feeling youthful and full of energy.” “I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.” See what I mean?
You wrote:
“For now, my plan is to get better about doing my self-Reiki treatments and see if by lowering my stress levels I can, in turn, reduce my desire to stuff down my feelings with a bowl of ice cream or a bag of chips.”
You know, I have read much about how negative emotions can sabotage any attempt to lose weight. The whole tone of your post leads me to believe this is the case. If you concentrate on addressing any anxiety or stress, I bet you will stop overeating. Eating to stuff down the feelings is pretty common among people with weight problems. I have read that reiki is also used to heal emotions. It’s my best guess that if you find a way to heal your stress or anxiety, you’ll succeed on getting your weight under control.
I would urge you to focus on the possitive with affirmative statements. That way you will be driven by what you want instead of what you don’t want. If you focus on what you don’t want, you’ll attract or be attracted to it.
May you find the willpower to get your weight under control and be fully and vibrantly healthy.
Betsemes - I couldn’t have said it any better myself . Thank you for taking the time to comment. Bright Blessings, Lady Rose
believe me, i know where you’re coming from - i’m still carrying around the weight from my youngest daughter - and she’s 7!
i’ve started walking again…. but where i really need to watch out - like you - is the extra noshing and the eating too much. i’m back to my “no seconds rule” - whatever’s on my plate, that’s what i eat, and don’t go back for more.
all the best to you.
I just saw your posting on the main page and couldn’t resist looking in. I agree wholeheartedly with the above - positive, affirmative statements about what you want. With your special health issues, you might want to consult a nutritionist rather than invest in some diet gag. I had bulimia and also had to deal with learning to fill in empty spaces or combat stress with something other than food. On the other hand, I also had to learn to give my body what it needs - in the appropriate quantity.
It is possible - rather than weight loss regimen, how about feel good regimen - also on the idea of positive statement. Perhaps my post on “How I learned to eat” might help you. Whatever you do, good luck!
I had great success on Somersize, a controlled-carb program. I have been following this plan since 2001 and easily lost all I wanted within the first six months or so. I still eat this way because it is not a diet but a way of eating, something one can stay on for life. I eat as much as I want and don’t feel deprived at all. There is no portion control or counting fat grams or calories. You can check my blog to read my weight loss story if you’d like. There is also a link to my homepage which has recipes and before and after photos.
~Cindy
Best of wishes on your fitness journey.
Thank you to everyone for the time you took to stop and comment. You have each given me food for thought and nourishment for my spirit.
It seems that my best option is to deal with my emotional issues (my anxiety, stress & depression) and trust that by finding other ways to cope with these I will in turn medicate less with food and find myself naturally journeying toward a state of wellness.
Blessings to each of you
I think you are right (although for me, I want to lose weight because in a way, I do want to look better, it gives me more confidence about my natural looks), I was doing well for a week (hehe I know, only a week, but it’s a start trying to be healthy and getting myself on track again) and then I had a really tough day at work, realised that the guy I sort of used to/still liked was completely not worth it and a player, and then just was too tired to bother, and started munching away on some cookies, which soon became a lot of cookies.
I think it’s hormonal too, because of the levels of esotrogen and etc that seem to fluctuate. It’s like girls seem to always be more emotional, and the hardest thing can be when you are a bit down, and thinking of just giving up for once (and then the guilt makes you think, what the heck, might as well continue for today and stop tomorrow).
Being healthy is hard when you have a busy and stressful lifestyle, and I guess it takes a lot of time, and a lot of tries to get it right (haha sounds like quitting smoking).
Congrats on losing the weight you did, but there is smething that woman need to understand that, as a guy, I dont think they do.
Women are beautiful. There is nothing better than a woman who actually has thighs bigger then she thinks she should and is heavier than she thinks. Women always want to be beautiful, and feel they need to be thinner. WHat that shows is that the woman cares, and a woman like that has to be a valuable person since she aims to please and over please, as maternal instintcs aim to do.
But the very weight women hate, as above, the little excesses. A woman with “a little too much weight” on her is beautiful because its real. Its not falling in love with a chemical lipgloss of brand of clothes that look good. It takes an aesthetically astonishing female and makes her human, which is most beautiful of all — appearancewise as well.
Success to you and your hope to achieve yur wedding day weight. But what women should knw is that the weight added to make the dress smaller turns the wife from a beauty queen bride to a beautiful half of a marriage, and even fr those women divorced. Never undereestimate how much more attractive a woman with extra pounds is to a single guy, esecially if your serious.
Nice post